Friday, April 18, 2008

Wow, this made me sad

So Jeff and I went out tonight with our friend Bryan, unusual for us, as I normally have to work on Sat. Mornings, but tomorrow I don't, and we went to Humble Pie, a very cool resteraunt/ bar, with excellent outdoor seating, (because, as NC is want to do, in the Spring, it's beautiful in the evenings right now, being Spring) and great service too, so, we went there, and we talked about derogatory phrases like "She's easy" and how good the last Spoon album was ( the boys just went to see Spoon play on Sunday) and the excruciating-ness of applying for new jobs when you already have one that has no idea you are leaving and whatnot, whatever, and amen. So. We went to this bar called Havana's on Glenwood South, (the happening nigh time scene in Raleigh) which Daniel (my boy) and I used to haunt in our alcoholic summer/ year and I had not been back in some time. I thought it was safe, safe from Raleigh ghosts and the whatnot, and the who not, and the godahthaveidonenot, but it wasn't. I ran into Aaron, or BAJA (Big-Ass-Head-Aaron) a guy that I rode to the SAT's with, listening to Jawbreaker's 24 Hour Revenge Therapy him saying to me about how they were this great band and I was like yeah yeah yeah, I got this album on vinyl (and for once it was true) and we rocked out on the way to take a test that was deciding our futures. We took the SATs, he went to one high school, I went to another, he got accepted at Evergree, in Olympia, WA, I got my scholarship to Guilford, end of story, right? Except not, as Raleigh is, he flunked out, I left Guilford, we both returned to Raleigh, desperate, unhappy, afraid, and meant different fates. He had a kid, 2 and a half years ago, a boy named Noble, (hoe effin great is that), but he hates the mother they fight, and he met me in a bar tonight, drunk, ridiculous, in cowboy hat and sunglasses ("You know who wears sunglasses indoors? Blind people and assholes.") talking about his baby boy, then talking about how he wants a little girl. Then two breaths later he sayes."I'm gonna go so drugs.", and he leaves. I'm overcome with something right now, something awful and contagious, like the Raleigh flu, or the failure flu, and I want to cry out against it, strike my hands against this awful metallic beast that holds us back and ask why?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Favorite Words

mud pie
bully (as in "Bully for you")

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Some things I want

1) for Jenny to post on her blog.
2) to lose 25 pounds by my wedding
3) for the caterer not to drop out and cause a coronary, again.
4) this giraffe guitar

Remember that journal made up of lists from the last post?

This is a picture of one of the lists from that journal taken on a camera phone of one of my employees. It's so awaful it's funny. At least this lady had a fnny parrot, as she didn't have much else going for her.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Things People Buy

So I'm in the unique position as a manager of a used media store to see the stuff folks are buying and selling. Though we are inundated with the absurd and the bizarre on a daily basis, I thought I'd share some of the finer moments in my tenure at the store.

Things People Bought.

1) Full House the Complete First Season.
Now this may not seem funny on the outset to you, but what has always killed me about this is the hubris I employed when I stated upon it's arrival, "Oh My God, no one is EVER going to buy this shit. They replay those fucking shows like ten times a day on TNT not to mention it's like the worst show ever." I put it out on the floor and twenty minutes later some sad sack brought it up to the counter and bought whilst I was having a complete conniption fit.
2) Clay Aiken's "Auto-biography". It was a "straight" guy in a polo.
3) Undercover Babies.
Picture babies in trench coats yielding handguns. Not really but still it's pretty ridiculous. Not found in the humor section, btw, but the romance section. My favorite part? The caption highlighting that these are "Top Secret Babies".
4) Macully Culkin's "novel" Junior. This happened just the other day. I, yet again, challenged the Gods when I said, while pricing it, "Who the fuck wants to read a novel by that Schmohawk?" Apparently women unhappy in there lives.
5) Some movies that we sell consistently that make me ponder the collective intelligence of the public; Zeus and Roxanne, Six Days, Seven Nights, Gigli, Dunston Checks In, Left Behind: The Movie, Left Behind II, Chairman of the Board, From Justin To Kelly, Baby Geniuses, Son of the Mask.

You get the idea.

Things People Sold.
Sometimes when you are processing the merchandise of a particular customer you catch an intimate glimpse into their psyche. Personally, I wish this happened less often. Take the case of the newly divorced forty-ish year old woman. Books brought to be sold included:
Intimacy in Long Marriage: Sustaining the Passion for Years to Come.
365 Things to Do in Bed to Spice Up Your Love Life
Healing the Rift: Overcoming Distance in Your Marriage.
Is He Cheating On You? The Way to Know Without Asking.
Love Hurts: How to Forgive Infidelity.
The North Carolina Guide to Divorce.
Children and Divorce: Beyond the "It's Not Your Fault" Philosophy.
Single After So Many Years: The Woman's Guide to Dating after Divorce.


2) sometimes it's not what you sell but what you bring it in. Like Kitty Litter boxes. Not Completely cleaned out of litter. One day it happened twice in a row. Seriously.

3) Personal journals. I have no idea what compels people to try to sell their journals but it happens all the time. Sometimes it's those layman's psychology inspirational crap that people only partly fill out. Like this one that asks you a series of questions that you answer by maing lists. Questions inlcude;
Q:What is something about you that no one knows?
A: I use the word niger. [sic]
Q: What is something you've always wanted to do?
A: Drink blood
Q: What are your goals for the next year.
A: Live a Gothic lifestyle.
Q: What are some long term goals?
A: Get some education, live a gothic lifestyle, stop sucking dick, improve my handwriting.
Double Yikes! Glad to see that improved handwriting was right up there with "stop sucking dick"

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Books I have Not Read, Yet , at Least, as Someday Maybe I Will

Last night while I lay in bed fretting over Bean's sudden uncontrollable explosive diarrhea I got to thinking about my last post and decided to do a companion piece, but about books. I'm curious, what did y'all never bother to read?
Books I have not read, or only read part of, or simply could not finish.
1. The Old Man and the Sea
2. The Brothers Karamazov
3. Gone with the Wind
4. War and Peace
5. Out of Africa
6. Ulysses
7. Infinite Jest
8. Macbeth
9. The Dark Tower series, book 2
10. Oliver Twist


Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Movies I have not seen

Inspired once again by Marco and his prolific blogging at The Midpoint I decided to list some movies I have never bothered to watch for one reason or another.
1. Independence Day
2. Rambo (all)
3. The Godfather II, III
4. The Crying Game
5. Alien
6. The Piano
7. Ben Hur
8. Bambi
9. It's a Wonderful Life
10. A musical, any.

Some movies I have seen, for no good reason.

1. Mr. Bean's Holiday
2. Osmosis Jones
3. Gummo
4. The Wicker Man, both
5. Communion
6. The Holiday
7. Music and Lyrics
8. Wild Aces
9. Spare Change 9/11 film
10. 15 and Pregnant (with Kirsten Dunst.)

I know I'm not the only one.