Jenny, Dives and grateful bagels

So I saw Jenny last night, picked her up at her new super cute house in Cary. I got Jos season 3 of MacGuyver and he seemed genuinely pleased which is nice b/c I always feel like an awkward relative with him in that I want him to like me but I don't want to try too hard and stink of desperation.
So Jenny and I looked at pictures of ourselves from high school and I couldn't believe it because, apparently, at one time, we were children.
I know that sounds ridiculous but until last night, I had forgotten how young we were when it all started. I guess I always thought of us in terms of how old we were. It may seem like semantics, but honestly, until I saw my barley adolescent face smoking and writing on the train (to? from? Rochester?) I hadn't realized that we did not emerge after age 12, fully formed from one another's foreheads.
I decided something this past week, I realized I was ready to forgive people from my past that hurt me, let go of grudges I have harbored for too long. It feels good, to suddenly realize that I'm not angry any more, and shouldn't have been for awhile. It was a long time ago. We were children. I've only been hurting myself more by staying angry.
I told Jenny last night that it feels like that moment on the train I had with her, when we left Rochester for the last time, when I convinced myself not to be in love with Bobby. It was that easy, it was just the rational choice. I chose it, and it left me.
That's what it feels like now, but it was less deliberate, it didn't even fully crystallize until a few nights ago. This time, it left me, without me even realizing it was happening. I feel like I just had surgery to remove some enormous and cancerous mass, but I don't remember anything about it, I just feel better now.
Ugh, I'm really tired, I'm in stats and not paying attention.
So after I picked up Jenny we drove around Cary, futilely looking for a divey bar where the beer would be cheap. No Jack Astor's or big box chain restaurants with $4 beers for us. Apparently those bars don't exist in Cary. So we went to Pantanna Bob's on Hilsborough, and drank cheap domestic beers, and talked and talked and talked. Then I looked at my phone and it was 11.
This always happens when I'm with Jenny, I lose time, or it speeds up, goes too quickly.
She said something funny, she said she feels like she is just now catching up to who Owen was when he was 18. It old her that killed me because I feel like I am just now catching up with the person she was when she was 18.
We talked about the moments in our respective lives when we realized we were atheists. If Nabokov wrote a sentence about Jenny's experience it might read something like:
"I lost fate in God (Cheesecake Factory, traffic) because it doesn't make sense how we got from there to here."
If Nabokov wrote a sentence about my expereience it might read as follows:
"I lost fate in God (Bart Simpson, dead pets) because heaven doesn't make any sense to me."
So I had a little too much to drink amidst all this talk and we had to call Jeff and have him drive Jenny back to Cary. He's so nice, he wasn't mad at all, in fact he was happy we finally had a chance to catch up. I'm a grateful bagel indeed.
Congratulations to Sara and D., he's beautiful. Welcome to the rest of your lives.