Right now, I'm listening to the Flying Burrito Brothers version of "Wild Horses" which is so tremendous I wish all of you could hear it too.

Things have been really busy for the last few months, between school and me stressing out about work (I am thinking of leaving but don't know what I'd do) and trying to have time with Jeff and the cats. I've been really down and frustrated and it sucks. I've also had terrible

writer's block and haven't written a column or a real post in months. When I'm writing I'm thinking about the chapters I need to read for Geology. When I read Geology I want to be writing or playing or sleeping or reading for pleasure.

I am finishing Cormac McCarthy's The Road tonight, and it was incredible, beautifully written, but the darkest book I have ever read with the exception of Requiem for a Dream (remember the movie? remember the vanquished dreams and the amputated arm and the whoring? Multiply that feeling you had after watching (you know the "that was an amazing movie but I NEVER want to see it again" feeling that all normal people should have but which for some reason did not happen to my brother or cousin Steven as it is their favorite movie to watch Drunk. Seriously.) and multiply it by about a hundred and you have the misery that is reading the book. The Road is not far off, and though it is masterful and dazzling in it's precision, it is also harrowing. The hype is real, though. Oprah made it one of her books so I am again left holding my snob ass nose in the air though I keep imagining housewives across America having the kind of dreams I am having reading this thing. Bodies everywhere. Ashes over everything, falling like in Ground Zero on September 11th. Fear. The world gone, and you alone. Gray. I will be happy when my dreams return to the regularly scheduled programming. I plan on reading Stephen Colbert's book next as making fun of Republicans always makes the inevitable collapse of our world seem just a little bit further off. (that's my cousin Steven in a Whale hat b/c our Moms' maiden name was Whaley)

What else?

I think I'm going to go see a fertility specialist as things look complicated for the future little Amanda's and Jeff Jr.s if we don't get a handle on my always not working lady parts. I'm REALLY freaked out though, b/c I'm afraid they are going to tell me I can;t have kids. And I know I can adopt (pending some financial wrangling) and some people think it is sinful to not adopt when there are so many kids out there who need a home and half a chance and I agree but I also really really want to have my own kids. And going to a specialist will give me definite answers about whether this is a pipe dream or a reality and I'm not sure if I'm TRULY ready for the answer.

Also, my ten year high school reunion is in three weeks and I don't want to go b/c I don't have my degree and I hate my job and I need to lose weight. But I do want to go for the train wrecks that are bound to happen. And b/c Daniel will be there to get my back. I'm also weirded out about seeing Sasha there, as we haven't spoken in about a year or more. I'm not sure why, except maybe we're exhausted. I don't know anymore. I know it makes me sad, as I saw her dad yesterday, ("Dr. G") and he and I had a great conversation and I told him to tell Sasha I said hello. He gave me a hug and it made me miss him and Andrea (Sasha's mom) and Sash so bad. They were like my surrogate family in high school. Sigh.

Okay, enough bitching send me ideas for columns. Oh and b/c he won't tell you to, read Mike's review of the new Radiohead album at the Hatchet website, posted as a link above. Jeff also has a great review and Marco too, so check it out.